Here's After 24 Years of Culmination
February 22, 2020
The thing you have to remember about Sandy is that she is the first daughter of Borneo and Javanese conservative family. She has always been a decent kid even though she's not that smartass-kid. "Orang yang suka baca biasanya bodoh di sekolah. Karena di sekolah orang yang pinter itu yang bisa ngapalin." Yes, that's her eternal defense. Also that has said on several occasions that nobody, including herself, ever thought that she'd become a writer for a living, much less a creative worker.
Whenever she is asked what she’d choose to be if she were reborn, she’s always without fail answered that she would be someone who work on the field that relates to her degree. "Kan mubazir bertahun tahun kuliah jurusan apa, kerjanya apa. Tau gitu dari dulu ngotot masuk ikom :("
Once she decided that 'this' life was something she wanted, she never looked back. I’m sure there were times while she feels pressured when she start to dive on this job, where she wished she’d chosen a different path. But I never thought she regretted her decision. It may not have been what she’d envisioned for herself, but being a writer and have a team on her own is something she genuinely loves now.
"Writing is an art, not a science. You can never do it right, you have to do it better"
An interesting thing about Sandy is the juxtaposition of her role as the eldest in the family with her role as the youngest in most of circle of friends. She has a younger sister, and so was undoubtedly raised to be extremely responsible and rather serious. But then she was placed into these groups who most of her friends are older than her, and all of a sudden her identity is gone. She’s never fit in with being the typical youngest. Not that she cared. There was a time when she was lost and didn’t know what role she was supposed to play within the group dynamics. Eventually she just gave up and learned to be more natural and not care so much about it.
Sandy is extremely ambitious, although not in the way others are. Sandy’s ambitions lie more in her wanting to prove to herself that she made the right decision in choosing this life.
Having grown up the way she did, she would have been extremely aware of the necessity of an education in our society. She knows that being a writer is not something 'big' if you compare it with another job like being an engineer or a doctor, "Emang jadi penulis ada duitnya?" So no wonder a big worry for her is that she won’t be able to support and provide her family and her future. And this is behind the reason she work so hard to ensure that she will be able to.
Sandy loves her own head-space so much, is kind of the most basic profile you could ever give her. It’s also extremely true. When she was younger, she wrote an entire page of her journal full of everything that she wants to achieve later on her 20s, and everything that she’d want to eat before she died, lmao.
She can also be extremely lazy about certain things. If she knows she can get away with it, like speaking her fair share in group or helping her friends out when they're drunk.
You know there's always a weird-odd-whimsical friend on every group, right? On this situation, Sandy can give that person a pretty good run for the title. Like I said before, Sandy lives in her head a lot. And when she deigns to speak to us lowly mortals, she doesn’t always realize that we can’t read her mind. So we have no idea what she’s talking about when she just throws out random phrases or jokes.
When it comes to other people, Sandy has come a long way. She used to be incredibly shy when she was younger, especially around guys to the point where you generally didn't notice her unless someone pointed her out. She doesn’t say anything unless it’s necessary, and even then she might not if she thinks someone else will say it first. Again, though, that’s where her laziness comes in.
In recent years she’s gotten a lot better about it. I think she’s begin to be comfortable with herself, and that has a big part in how she allows people to perceive her. She still doesn’t speak very much, and spend most of the group conversation just laughing, nodding, or staring off into space, but at least she has a definite presence now.
Sandy once told us that she don't have a lot of friends. On this case, a friend that she can talk about everything she wanted. But she actually open up to new people lately. And she starts give us updates whenever she's hanging out with her friends...after 100 years not doing it. Am I the one who find it weird? Since she’s usually the type of person who doesn’t see why people need to know who her friends are?
If you know anything about astrology, then it may help to say that Sandy is a pretty typical Aquarian.
These days she rumbled how her life maybe gone wrong. Thinking that there’s a universe where that she get the life that she want. Where she don’t second guess everything and not afraid of commitment and future. Maybe there’s a universe without all the noise in her head and the pride that makes her so fiercely independent.
Maybe there’s a universe where she's the right person. Where she adore every nice thing people did without starting to resent them. Where both can shed the baggage, curiosity and issues. A universe where she were happy without wondering if that happiness is some messed-up jenga game ready to topple at the slightest quiver. A universe where both comfortable and sure, and have cats, two son, with clumsiness that she refuse to work on.
Where Sandy, a juvenile delinquent, ended up with someone who can inherit his powerful mind, kindness, intelligence and his ability for being present emotionally to their offsprings.
Maybe there’s a universe where she don’t covet so much all the time and where she don’t wonder about picking up and moving places.
If you read this, maybe you just found her in the wrong universe. This is, as they say, the darkest timeline. If this theory holds, well, by the law of averages, there had to be one universe —just this one...where you two don’t end up together. Here and now just happens to be it. If you think of it this way, it's no one's fault.
Maybe in another universe...you know, she'd let you.
I didn’t realize how much there was I could say about her. I could type up much more than this, actually, but I think this has rambled on long enough, lol.
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