2019: Purpose, Struggle Continues
January 02, 2019
2018 and world
still doesn’t revolve around me.
SHOCKED AND UPSET.
-Yours truly, annoying cherry with verbal diarrhea, mid 2018
This time last
year I had zero preparation for the new year.
I didn't have
any clear goals, no intentions, no guidelines or any idea of what I wanted to
accomplish in 2018. I didn't even make a list of goals which is something that
I usually do every year because of my lack of intention. I floated through the
entire year. I lived through completely on autopilot. Last year taught me that
living without intention or purpose is the worst thing that you could do to
yourself.
Purpose.
Google's dictionary
defines purpose as the reason for which something is done or created or for
which something exists.
I didn't have
a purpose for anything that I did last year. I was mindlessly trying my best to
pass things, mindlessly creating, mindlessly attending and mindlessly living. I
didn't have a reason for why I was doing anything.
I hit the rock
bottom, I burnt myself out because I kept saying yes to opportunities without a
reason, without purpose. I was mindlessly buying, mindlessly consuming,
consuming without a reason, without purpose. I was living without purpose and
without intention. I was just…you know, existing.
The biggest
thing I learned last year is that purpose is necessary for everything that you
do. The second biggest thing I learned last year is that self care is extremely
important and should be non negotiable. Despite what this hustle rise n’ grind
culture has told us, refusing to address self care or take breaks actually
makes you less productive. And if you refuse to address it for as long as I
have, you'll hit rock bottom, you'll become very irritable, very defensive, mental
breakdowns become a multiple-times-per-week thing, and you become a person that not
even you want to be around. Somehow, I made myself feel guilty for feeling
this way.
Now I'm doing shits that I love for a living, I turn my hobby into an occupation, my financial stability goes top notch, I stepped up my game, I’m starting to have stuffs that I'm providing
for myself entirely, and I’m currently standing on the place where I didn’t
even dare to wish I could be in (even now I'm still thinking how the hell did I finally get to here,
lol).
So why am I still sad? Why is it so difficult to be grateful for living my life?
Starting this year, I made the commitment to live with purpose and intention, I made the commitment to actively participate in life.
So why am I still sad? Why is it so difficult to be grateful for living my life?
Starting this year, I made the commitment to live with purpose and intention, I made the commitment to actively participate in life.
This year’s keyword
is Purpose, and I'm going to remember last year for the rest of my life.
One thing
that I'm doing differently from last year is that I'm preparing for. I've already
done many many things to prepare for this year. You see, there's no point
in pitying yourself for things that already happened instead of learn from your
mistakes and failures, and make it into a positive experience. You can only go up
from here. THIS IS WHERE YOU START.
Jangan ada lagi nabung setengah mati, ngabisinnya setengah sadar.
Jangan ada lagi ke-impulsif-an bodoh dan menyalahkan kemudahan aplikasi mobile banking. COBA LIHAT SUDAH BERAPA BANYAK HARTA YANG KUHABISKAN DENGAN MUDAH! Dasar tangan penuh mudharat! ((T...t...tapi apakah aku tanpa barang yang kece?? Do I have just to be myself? Hello? That's terrifying because I'm insecure and I need nice things to make me feel better about myself!!!! *ngambek*))
Dan Tuhan, plis tolong jangan ada lagi mimpi aneh-aneh, huhuhu. Paham nggak sih, mimpi yang saat lo bangun bikin lo pingin teriak, "Halo! Met pagi divisi alam bawah sadar, informasi terbaru udah di update, tolong lain kali jangan sembarangan memilih tokoh cerita!!" wkwkwk.
I know life will fuck us no matter how hard we try to win it over (I guess nobody really die virgin, no?) That’s why this year I want to be stronger, stronger than the previous year, stronger because unfortunately I wasn't a billionaire again last year (and probably this year too, so struggle continues), and that would be good enough.
Thank you 2018,
next.
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