Before I start with everything, I want to send my deep...deep condolences untuk korban bencana tsunami yang terjadi di daerah Banten & Lampung beberapa hari yang lalu, tepat pada tanggal 22 Desember 2018.
Semoga korban yang selamat dengan anggota keluarga yang hilang segera dipertemukan, hope all of the victim who lost their family by this calamity to be strong, endured all of this pain to send their love ones rest.
My heart dropped,
sunk,
also floods with griefs.
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For 22 years I live, I never thought that I would be 'this close' to the possibility that I may experience such tragic, and extreme call of a catastrophe.
Awal Desember lalu gue dengan lima orang lainnya ((Al, Eska, Dante, Alim (teman kantor) dan temannya)) berencana untuk travelling ke Ujung Kulon, Banten, saat libut Natal. Everything went great until D-Day of our trip.
Hari Sabtu tanggal 22 Desember lalu pertamakalinya pula gue ngicip rasanya belom duduk di kereta saat keretanya sudah jalan. Jadi untuk trip ini kami ber-tiga (including me) harus ke Jakarta dulu karena bakal dijemput sama pihak travelnya dari sana. Kita butuh waktu lama untuk duduk karena nyasar gerbong yang disebabkan oleh kepanikan yang berakibat dari naik keretanya mepeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet banget sama detik-detik keberangkatan. THAT WAS RIDICULOUS, lmao. Not to be that kind of person, but in my whole life, I never really can imagine that I would be a 'last-minute-person' to catch a flung towns train. Because I always came prepared dan tepat waktu (dasar sok iyeh). Once we got to sat on our seat, I sighed really LOUD, huahahaha.
Dari stasiun Bandung sampai Gambir gue sama sekali nggak tidur. Ngobrol sepanjang jalan sama yang sebelah, gue bahkan nggak nyadar kalau podcast yang sudah gue download sehari sebelumnya nggak kepake sama sekali. I thought we talked about a lot of thing, ya sebacot itu sampai 3 jam setengah nggak kerasa, udah sampai aja. One of them made me clenched my right arm so bad that I heard a voice on my head said "You can't help yourself. NOW CUT THE BULLSHIT. Cari topik lain!" because I was in a verge of tears. In a split second I threw a random question to channel out that stuff to other things to keep this tears safe and back to their place, lol.
Sampai di Jakarta, sholat, makan, ketemu tiga orang lainnya, dan berkumpul di meeting point penjemputan. I didn't sense something's off until the bus that take us parked, and rest for a long long time. I realize that one hour is more than enough to call it 'a rest stop'. Karena nggak mungkin kayaknya butuh waktu 60 menit untuk bikin kurang lebih 30 orang di dalam bus untuk pipis, beli cemilan dan lainnya saat setengah dari mereka memilih untuk tetap di bus untuk melanjutkan tidur because they're too lazy and sleepy to move their ass. Kemudian seorang team leader mengumumkan kalau di jalur yang akan kita lewati nanti, air lautnya sedang pasang dan nggak bisa dilewati. Selanjutnya kita dihimbau untuk tetap menunggu kurang lebih satu jam sampai turun keputusan untuk melakukan perjalanan.
Mulai dari situ akhirnya gue dan yang lain memutuskan untuk turun dari bus. Still, after one hour long, they didn't say anything and keep us waiting. Di Indomaret 24 jam di Kota Serang, gue pipis, cuci muka, nyemil, dan ngobrol sama yang lainnya lamaaaa banget. I thought the waiting was pointless until one of us showed a news with the word 'tsunami' on it which take place not that far from where we standing that time, apa yang ada dalam berita tersebut terjadi pada tempat yang akan kita lewati, dan salah satu tempat destinasi vacation kita nanti.
I FUCKING CONFUZZLED. Confused and puzzled.
First thing first I had to tell my family that I was okay, I wasn't there yet. Tapi sinyalnya saat itu nggak bisa bantu sama sekali :(
Pukul 2:30 pagi semua kembali ke bus. Pihak management akhirnya mumutuskan untuk membatalkan trip ini karena musibah yang terjadi disana. It was dead silent for a moment. No one can really talk about it. Gue sempat nengok keadaan di luar, gue lihat beberapa staff disana sibuk sama handphone yang mereka pegang. One of them can't keep their eyes out of the screen, I skimmed everyone outside, all of them did the same thing. I was screaming inside my brain. Oh My God.
Guess what's next. Kita balik lagi ke meeting point di daerah Semanggi. Saat bus mulai jalan dan sinyal kembali stabil, saat itu juga gue langsung buka WA ngabarin keluarga.
Bokap ternyata sempat nelfon dan nanya keadaan. Gue ngga bisa bales tepat waktu karena nggak ada sinyal dan baru bisa ngabarin balik beberapa jam setelahnya.
"Nis, katanya tsunami disana?"
"Yes it was. Trip's cancelled. We're going back to J-town. Will figure things out later when we get there. Too tired already."
Sebelum kembali tidur, sambil liat keluar kaca bus, entah berapa puluh kali gue liat kilat di langit. Mungkin terjadi berkilo-kilo meter jauhnya dari tempat gue sekarang, but it still scary as hell. Uhhh, I hope everyone is okay, and everything will run smoothly after we got back to Jakarta.
Well, truth has spoken. It's not.
Turun dari bus akhirnya milih untuk booking hotel di sekitar Sarinah. Karena nggak bisa early check-in, jam 5 subuh ngejogrok di cafe yang beroperasi 24 jam somewhere in Kuningan. Kita stay disitu sampai jam 10 pagi, sumpah anteng banget sampai diliatin crew nya. Selanjutnya cabut lagi cari tempat lain sebelum check-in hotel untuk bisa mandi dan istirahat sebentar sebelum balik lagi ke Bandung naik travel malam harinya.
Apes banget deh, beneran. We went to Hokben near the hotel and their air conditioner is not working. Masih ada berapa jam lagi untuk bisa check-in? 3 jam :'')
Touch down kamar hotel rasanya udah kayak di surga. Adem, bisa tiduran di tempat empuk (finally) dan mandi. Headline berita di TV semua sama. And then one of us starts a "What if..." scenarios. Dang, it really hits me home.
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| Sesudah istirahat dan mandi.JPEG |
Travel yang udah kita booking untuk perjalanan ke Bandung ternyata molor satu jam. Tapi sebenernya udah lega banget sih bisa dapet travel di saat-saat kayak gini karena sebelumnya takut kehabisan dan nggak dapet. Yang berarti gue harus menghabiskan waktu disini lebih lama and it'll take a longer time for me to get home.
Sampai di Bandung, I got off the travel and I didn't only saw my dad came to pick me up, I know its serious when I also saw my mom and my little sister. I was kinda surprised karena kalau jemput malem-malem gini biasanya bokap doang. "They must've very worry about me that all of them here," ucap gue dalam hati.
I got in to the car and the first thing that came out from my mom was all "Gimana, Nis?" and she continued to ask me things, and what/how I up to when it happened, until my dad came with one of my favorite, ABSOLUTE FAVORITE question on earth. All of he ask was "Udah makan belum? Domino's masih buka nggak ya jam segini? Ayah laper." I 'okay-ed' that ultimate question, then I sat back, re-calling what happened. How was that and the 'what ifs' scenarios that me and my friends talk about on the hotel. I was stunned.
Sampai di rumah, nyokap bilang "Tadi subuh Eyang nangis liat berita di TV, nanyain terus katanya 'Nisa gimana?' Sampai Ibu bilangin kalau Nisa nggak jadi kesana." I shrugged. I grab a slice of the pizza we bought earlier and deliver it to Eyang, straight to her room. There I told her I'm okay, I wasn't there where and when the catastrophe happened, and here I came back safe and sound.
Gue kembali buzzed-off di dalem kamar, di atas kasur.
What if I really there?
Will I survive?
What if I'm one of the missing victim?
What am I gonna do if everything flashed before my eyes?
What if I'm 'gone'?
Gue jadi inget, gue bahkan secara properly nggak pamit sama bokap sebelum pergi karena paginya dia harus ngurus sesuatu di luar, and I don't even say a thing to my sister before I went from the house.
I have a lot of thing to do, a lot of responsibility on my back that keeps this family afloat. So, what if I'm 'gone'?
Kembali ke percakapan yang terjadi di kereta. Remember when I said that one of the topic edged me out and I was nearly cry for that?
We spent an hour just to talk about family. How we cope with it's problems and how we treat ours. One thing for sure, I hate to make someone that close to me, like family or friends to worry about me. I don't know, but I just hate the feeling when someone feel that for me. Khawatir, cemas, gelisah, you name it. Gue nggak mau jadi burden sekecil apapun secara emosional buat siapapun, terlebih orang yang dekat sama gue, apalagi orang tua, karena dengan adanya gue hidup di sekitar mereka kadang sudah bikin susah, repot, sampai bikin mereka berkorban banyak, and I'm too aware for that.
Dan kejadian kayak gini bikin gue sadar,
to be worry and alarmed about someone or something that we care about is inevitable.
What else I could say?
Live with it.
They said it takes a strong individual to sit with themselves, calm their storms, and heal all of their issues without trying to bring someone else into the chaos. I guess it's a journey into self-love—and I'm doing it.
