What is happiness?
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been searching for the
answer but I haven’t.
Is it something that we can obtain through materialistic
gains? Is it something that we can just simply go out to physically touch and see?
It seems like nothing in this world can make us trully happy
to the bottom of our hearts. That’s why even when we reach our dream and achieve
the goals we set, we feel this temporary sense of gratification that never
seems to last.
So what do we do?
We go out and get the most hype brands of clothing with the
flashes jewelry, go to one of those fancy restaurant, buy the latest phone, and attend all these parties. At the end of the day, you left all alone with the things
you bought, thinking that would make you happy, but all they’re doing is simply
masking your empty void.
Some people say having a family as your best supporter, bunch of nice
friends, having the dream job and meeting your soul mate are the best thing in
life. Is that true? Will that help you find permanent happiness?
Someone out there also have them all. Family, friends, job, fame,
golds, married and list goes on. But why, these people (who already got everything on their life), still searching for
happiness?
In many ways, we’re all like Gatsby, gazing at the green
flashing lights with the hopes of finding the purpose of all the struggles.
So what is your green flahsing lights, buddy?
Life can be suck (so bad sometimes, even without any reason),
but it can also be very rewarding. Keep going. Cry or be angry when you have
to. Rest when you need to. But keep going.
Whatever you do now, hang in there, darlin'. Maybe just a little bit more. Karena Allah itu Maha Tahu, jika Dia tidak berikan apa yang sudah kau
impi-impikan sekian lama, pasti sudah ada yang Dia siapkan, yang akan kau
ketahui pada waktunya, sesuatu yang jauh lebih baik untukmu.
Setelah kau belajar.
Setelah kau siap.
Setelah kau akhirnya memahami.
And don't worry about your pretty little mind, people throw rock at things that shine. There I said it, hang in there.
---
EPILOGUE
"Sandy out here tryna give me an existential crisis either in late at
night nor in a broad daylight like this, smh. Dammit, who hurt her?" You might ask (or not).
Nah, no one. It's just a thought that I've been keeping in my mind since months ago. Don't worry, I'm still here and good. Living another day that I feel like breathing, just another day for not being hot and rich, lol.
Seize the day. That’s exactly what I had been doing in the
last few months. Enjoying the
moments. Living for now. Treading water. I just think that now my arms get tired of
treading the water. I need to swim
towards something, anything. But I’m
just floating, doggy-pedaling, wondering which way to go. I’m clueless and dreamless, how worst can it
get? (I decided to go to sleep when I
reached this sentence).
(And when I woke up) On my desperate attempt to uplift my
brain, I grabbed my old journals skimming-read them,
trying to make sure that I am as brilliant and a bright kid now as I was years ago.
Wow, and you know what? Now it strikes me
even more: now I’m not that expressive, I don’t have a specific thing to cling
on to, my imagination is on hiatus, I’m not all that logical anymore, and yes, I feel like I am
losing control of my life.
I put on my jeans, I really need to go out and see my
friends to get my mind out of this (there’s my extraversion), and as I browse my blouse, I find my almamater shirt. I start to wonder whether I should just
leave everything and go back to the plan of attending a grad school (there's my intuition goes) or what? Then I sit down as I choose which
shoes to wear, planning quietly inside my head about which path to cross if I
want to be somebody in the following years (and here’s my judging tendency). YEP.
I get in the car still wondering about my dreams and the
future, but as I close my eyes when SZA sang the bridge of this song, I
smile and think: well, maybe I just think too much, I need to keep being grateful.
"I did it all but it feel good
You left it all if it feel bad
Better live your life
We been running out of time"
Better live your life
We been running out of time"
